Sunday
Today was a day of thinking for me. It is my second full
week of Yeshiva classes, and I am starting to question if the Yeshiva was the
right track for me. At first, I was excited to learn about Judaism purely for
the sake of learning, but now I get up and wonder why I’m at the Yeshiva. I
want to learn about Judaism, but I find myself zoning out in class and not
taking full advantage of the teacher’s knowledge. What’s worse, it doesn’t
bother me that I’m not paying attention. I’ve been thinking about asking to
switch to the Ulpan track, but I’m worried that it might be too late, or that
in the long run I’ll regret it. Hopefully the next few days will bring me some
clarity about how to deal with this discomfort. Also, my feeling on the Yeshiva
change frequently. For example, this morning I left unhappy, and feeling
unproductive, but at the end of the day I left feeling rejuvenated and having
enjoyed class. It’s very confusing, and I’m trying to work out how I feel about
it all.
After Yeshiva, I went out to dinner with my friend Julia. We
went to waffle bar (finally) and it was amazing! A little on the pricey side,
but definitely worth it every once in awhile. After that she showed me around
the complex she live in for TRY (a high school program in Israel, that she
spent the last four months of her senior year on.) Then we walked back to Beit
Nativ, stopping for ice cream on the way.
When I got back, I decided to go with my friend Josh to the
Kotel. He wanted to do Maariv (the prayer service at night), but I just wanted
to go since I realized I’ve been here for six weeks and still haven’t made it
to the wall. Being back at the wall was a completely mesmerizing experience.
Every time I go there, I feel different and notice different things. This time,
I felt such a strong connection with my Judaism. I actually got goose bumps
when I touched the wall, and for the first time in awhile I actually felt like
my prayers were being heard. I also noticed how many people were crying.
Usually, I go at prime tourist hours, so not many people are crying. But the
sheer number of women overwhelmed by being so close to the holiest place for
Jews was astonishing. It also amazes me to think that this wall was once part
of the temple, such a crucial piece of my religion. The amount of emotions I
felt all at once is inexplicable, and I definitely want to go back to the Kotel
soon.
After the Kotel I ended up staying awake to Skype my best
friend Shannon. We are practically inseperable at home, so it has been weird
not talking every day. Because of the time difference and both of our busy
schedules it has been extremely difficult to talk. I ended up talking to her
from 3:30-4:30 am my time. It was a very late night, but 100% worth it to get
to talk to her.
Monday
My struggle with the Conservative Yeshiva continues today.
This morning I told myself that I would make a conscience effort to pay
attention and participate in class. I took notes as if I were going to be
tested on the material, and I found that with this I was naturally participating
more in class. This participation made me love my morning at the Yeshiva, and I
left with a new sense of fulfillment.
Our usual morning classes got out early today, so that we
could have sichot (a community learning and discussion). We talked about
education, and how to best learn in the Beit Midrash. This topic struck me,
because it made me realize how much I care about education. Recently, I have
been trying to decide what major and eventually career I want to pursue after
Nativ. I have always wanted to be a teacher, but recently I have been
questioning that, and looking at careers in the medical field. Today’s Yeshiva
discussion, along with some research I’ve been doing helped me realize what I
want to do (at least right now I think it’s what I want). I want to become a
youth and adolescent psychiatrist, and am specifically interested in helping
diagnose and working with students who have learning disorders such as ADD,
ADHD, dyslexia, etc. I think this is a perfect combination of my desire to have
an impact on children’s lives, but by doing something other then education. So
for now, this is the path I plan on heading down.
After Yeshiva, I went out to dinner with a group of friends
to celebrate two guys birthdays. It was really fun, but it was a little
annoying because the restaurant cost more then I wanted it to. But oh well, it
was a birthday dinner so go big or go home. I spent the rest of the night
hanging out with friends like always. Overall it was a good and productive day.
Tuesday
Tuesdays are definitely going to be “Nativ Day” for the
Yeshiva kids. We have both of our Nativ only classes, Halacha and Zionism. To
top off the day, we have Erev Nativ on Tuesday nights, a once a week mandatory
program for all Nativers. It was (and will be) a day full of Nativ bonding,
which is not a bad thing in any way. Both of my Nativ classes were awesome.
Halacha was like a typical Yeshiva class, with chevruta time and then time as a
whole class. It was different from other classes, however, because we are
discussing issues that are relevant now. It makes the debates much more
interesting, because they are things that are being decided as we debate them.
Zionism was interesting because it isn’t structured like a normal Yeshiva
class. The teacher is from outside the Yeshiva, and the class was set up as
more of a discussion then a lecture or Yeshiva style class. It gave us all a
chance to voice our opinions, which doesn’t always happen in regular Yeshiva
classes.
For lunch yesterday (on Tuesday’s we get stipend money, so
lunch isn’t provided for us) Me and three friends (Josh, Eliana, and Michaela)
pooled our resources and made grilled cheese. It was really fun because we all
worked together to make them and then ate them together. It was also
significantly cheaper then going out and all buying food.
After Yeshiva we had Erev Nativ. The staff planned a program
that focused on happiness. We did different activities that are proven to make
you happier, such as listing things we are grateful for, exercising, and
meditating. It was a really fun program, and I actually felt leaving happier
then when I came in.
I spent the night walking around the two buildings talking
to different people, and trying to make new friends. Even though we’ve been
here for a month and a half already, there are still people that I barely know.
So my goal for the next few weeks is to try and get to know some of those
people.
On a non- Nativ front, I also avoided what I thought was
going to be a huge crisis. I had to sign up today for housing at Michigan State
for the 2013-2014 school year. I decided I wanted to live in honors housing, so
this is the priority sign up date for honors. I went online to sign up, and saw
that to sign up to live on an honors floor, you had to go to the honors building
on campus. I freaked out, since obviously I can’t go to campus right now.
Luckily I emailed Bess (my contact in the honors college who I worked with to
make it possible for me to come on Nativ) I she said it was no big deal. I told
her which honors building I wanted to live in, and she said she would sign me
up. Once again she saves the day, making a great end to an already great day.
Wednesday
Today was a pretty typical day. No super exciting activities
or incredibly deep thoughts. One highlight: On Tuesday at Erev Nativ our staff
challenged every room to do something together that would help someone else, or
make them smile. So tonight, my roommates and I made Oreo bars, and then walked
around and distributed them to everyone on the Yerucham track. It was fun,
because it made everyone smile and included quality bonding time with my
roommates. I also got a chance to skype Jess, one of my best friends from home.
I have really been missing her, so it was great to catch up.
Thursday
My favorite day of the school week rolls around again. I
love Thursdays, because it means Kehilla Midaberet at the Yeshiva. Today we got
into small groups and made skits, all of which had to include certain basic
things. It showed us that even though we all had the same rules, we all ended
up in different places. I took that as a metaphor for the Yeshiva, all of us
studying the same things but understanding them in different ways.
Friday and
Saturday (Shabbat)
I spent this shabbas with Angela at her sister’s kibbutz. We
started our day at the shuk on Friday morning to pick up a few things we needed
for Shabbat, and then headed to Kibbutz Sa’ad for the weekend. It was really
fun to get away from Nativers, but also still be with people relatively close
to my age. We ate our meals at Jessica ‘s (Angela’s sister) host family. It was
difficult because they don’t speak English and I don’t speak Hebrew. It also
made me realize how little Hebrew I know. The whole weekend inspired me to
really work on my Hebrew skills. I want to know the language, I just don’t want
to learn it. Obviously I’m not going to learn anything with that mentality, so
I’m trying to come up with ways to encourage myself to speak Hebrew.
When we got back from the Kibbutz, we headed to New Deli for
dinner, and then headed back to Beit Nativ. I watched the Michigan State
Michigan game (Michigan State lost for the first time in 5 years) and then
headed to bed.
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